Caleb and Sophia in the past year :)
Remember sometimes getting the song you were actually looking for and sometimes getting an mp3 of bill clinton saying that he didn’t have sexual relations with that woman instead
80% of the time I downloaded something it was actually just audio of porn.
That’s what I get for trying to download PATD haha
I went to sleep last night with the song I Just Had Sex in my head because it was the first time in probably over a month that me and Sam had actually had sex. Mmm Yup.
The gym is quiet for once. I’m like a fish out of water I haven’t done a proper gym session for eons. (at Fit n Fast)
Bleach bathed my hair last night. I like how it turned out. Blonde hair will be back within the next month or so. Woo!!
I spent all of primary and high school thinking I was huge when really I was only 65-70kg. I would starve myself, throw food up and faint all the time just to be as skinny as my sister and my mum. Now when I look back at photos of myself I feel like crying. I WAS skinny. I’m never going to be like my sister or mum but I WAS skinny. The entire time I thought I was as fat as I am now but I wasn’t and I hate it. I spent 13 years almost thinking I was huge because my sister drilled it in to me that I couldn’t fit her clothes so I must be fat and I had my grandma telling me I could do with losing a few kilos - even when I was starving myself, throwing up anything I did eat sad collapsing.
My family - especially the females, have always picked at my weight. They knew I was going through hell and still made fun of me. Somedays I wonder how I managed to survive all their torments.
Jayde I wouldn’t have a clue. I asked him if I could enroll for next month and just flat out said no. I had everything to show him study timetable drafts, childcare fees (which would have been free), everything. He still said no.
Anna I can’t even get back to middle earth now. He’s canceling our joint credit card and only keeping his one which means even in emergencies I don’t have money. Somedays I stick it out for Caleb and because I don’t want the courts to take Caleb from me. Others I just want to up and leave for good.
Reading through messages on Facebook makes me miss friends. Especially Ali. Despite having our arguments he was one of the few people I could count on.
I miss him.
I hate the tumblr app on my phone. I can’t reply to your questions anon until my internet kicks in on the first.
Half the time it doesn’t post what I want it to.
I swear the app doesn’t do anything right
I miss feeling wanted. I miss flirting with people. I miss having drinks bought for me at a bar.
Some nights I miss who I used to be. A lot.
I would kill to be that skinny again. I would kill to have my self confidence back.
I want to do a child studies course at the tafe down the road. It’s free and there is child care but I’m not allowed to because Sam.
I want to have a family day care but I can’t because Sam won’t let me do the study 20hours a week.
I have my phone back! After Caleb dropped it and smashed the screen. I never realised how much I relied on it.
Last night Katie came over to watch The Walking Dead - we got her addicted to it and I don’t mind watching it again.
I found some really nice matte black nail polish on ebay and asked Sam if he would buy it for me. It was only $10. When I asked if he had bought it he threw his phone across the lounge and told me to shut up and started ranting about how annoying I am.
As bad as this sounds Katie finally got to see what I put up with. I think he scared her though.
I feel bad for her.
I’m pretty proud of myself. Today is the first time in 3 days I’ve actually bothered to have a shower and use deodorant. I was hanging out the washing and kept thinking how nice my armpits smell.
Also there are like five fucking loads of washing to do because today is the first nice day since I found the washing powder.